Pamela Carr of DeKalb, TX, USA
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” -Matthew 5:9
My husband of 51 years died in 2018, and the following is something I wrote during that first year of emptiness. It is my hope that someone can see the importance of gratitude, the acceptance of struggle, and the act of letting go in life.
The reality is my husband’s soul decided to go on. His personality is gone as well as his physical presence, but I am grateful for the gifts he provided in his time here on earth. That gratefulness replaces my sadness, my loneliness, my missing him, and I am able to continue. Choosing to walk in that gratefulness instead of any other emotion honors the reality of him being no longer physically present.
Death is in every cycle of life. As my children’s need of me died, they grew in confidence and ability to care for their own needs. As I grew in my ability to build relationships with my students, my need to be the perfect teacher died-not the desire to broaden their conceptual basis, but the need to be praised for how I did it died. As my husband’s disease progressed disabling him physically, many things died: our traveling dreams, our ability to socialize, even our ability to communicate at times. All died a natural death. What was resurrected included our realization of what was important to each of us, the reality of what was in the pain of letting go. We lived in the simplicity of talking, sitting quietly together, knowing this was forming each of us for the next part of our spiritual journey. We quit fighting the reality of life and explored what God had in store for each of us.
Did it make letting go of his soul easier? Yes, I think so. It made it easier for him to let go of physical life, knowing this part of his journey was over and I was ready to go on with my own journey. Missing one another was not the question we dealt with. It was a given. Going forward with God made the question about how we each resurrected easier.
I surrender into your love, O God.
What might it look like to surrender a little to God each day? A simple prayer of surrender can help us become aware of God’s consistent invitations to deeper relationship and awareness. Imagine when you encounter a challenging person or situation silently uttering this prayer, “I surrender into your love, O God.” The same prayer can be meaningful in moments of joy and gratitude as a way of returning to the awareness of oneness with God. It’s ok if we don’t surrender everything all at once all the time. The prayer of surrender is a constant practice of returning little by little to the deepest love that is the ground of our being and desires wholeness and oneness for us and all creation.
Today’s Prayer for Peace
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