Temper Tantrums and Nonviolence
Katie Harmon-McLaughlin, Spiritual Formation Ministries
We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28
Are we moving toward Jesus, the peaceful one? I confess that as I respond to this question, I tend to think in the communal-us (the whole global church) and the universal (all the pressing issues of justice and peace that need our urgent response). While this is important, I find that this Lenten season, as I continue to stay at home amid the pandemic, the question is becoming much more personal and particular.
When my daughter is throwing a perfectly developmentally-appropriate temper tantrum, how do I respond? How does my capacity to bear and hold all the realities of her life impact her evolving understanding of peaceful response? Do I react in anger? Do I diminish or dismiss her? Or can I stay lovingly, but firmly, present in the midst of the screams as tension rises in me, as weariness frays my edges? Can I stay present to see her and the sacredness within her, even as she whines and rebels and kicks and screams? In Parenting for Peace: Raising the Next Generation of Peacemakers, Mary Axnes reminds us that effective discipline in parenting starts with self-discipline. I can confirm that is true. That doesn’t mean I let my daughter get away with whatever she wants, but it does take practice to notice what is happening in me as I respond to what is happening in her. Some days we both end up frustrated and screaming. Other days I am able to breathe through the discomfort of toddler chaos to be lovingly present even as I hold boundaries that she will naturally test!
Though I’ve had lots of practice at home with my three-year-old, I can see how movements of tension, anger, and frustration boil up in me when I watch the news, scroll social media, or engage in dialogue with those with whom I disagree. Peaceful presence with other adults also requires self-discipline, to notice and honor what is rising within, but to not let it be the unexamined source of my reaction. Jesus, the peaceful One, calls me deeper. Just like with my three-year-old, peace does not mean anything goes, but it is a willingness to stay consciously, intentionally present in the discomfort and chaos of whatever is happening to hold open a space that trusts intrinsically the sacredness that is before me.
Eventually, the storm of toddler outburst settles, my little one is back in my arms, and I hold her close. In my steadfast presence, I hope she is learning something about peaceful, nonviolent response. And in the moments when I lose my capacity for peaceful presence, I hope she is also learning something important about forgiveness and grace.
Prayer Phrase
Are we moving toward Jesus, the peaceful One?
Spiritual Practice
Gospel Contemplation (John 13:1-15)
Each week during Lent, you are invited to pray with a different gospel story from the life of Christ. Use your senses and imagination to enter the text. Allow it to come to life in you, observing details, noticing interactions, even engaging in dialogue. Notice where you find yourself in the story and how you feel about what is happening. Notice what it evokes in you or invites of you. Take time to journal or enter silent prayer to reflect on your experience and to sense where the Spirit may be leading you through this scriptural encounter.
Today’s Prayer for Peace
Engage in a daily practice of praying for peace in our world. Click here to read today’s prayer and be part of this practice of peace.
