Who Am I Now?
By Deb Luce of Camanche, IA, USA
Heed the urgent call to become a global family united in the name of the Christ, committed in love to one another, seeking the kingdom for which you yearn and to which you have always been summoned. That kingdom shall be a peaceable one and it shall be known as Zion. —Doctrine and Covenants 161:6b
“What is your calling?” was the question posed to me recently while attending reunion. “What is your purpose?” I had to chuckle to myself. I had been struggling with that question for almost eight months, and now someone else was asking me as well.
An intense sadness and sense of despair started on Father’s Day. It was the first time in 32 years that my husband Roy was not here to celebrate. Two days later it would have been our 36th wedding anniversary, and he would miss that, too. Eight months earlier he died.
Too many firsts occurred in too short a time. I found myself crying without any warning or triggering event. And so it was that I arrived at reunion in June.
For 36 years my purpose had been caregiving. As a bride I took care of my husband, and as a mom I took care of our two sons. I cared for my grandmas and my parents, and finally my husband whose health had been declining for the past few years. Now what? Whom am I to care for? My married children do not live near me; my parents and grandparents are gone, too.
For all these years I had not been able to do many things because of my responsibilities. Now my agenda was clear. I could make a fresh start, a new beginning. I had no idea what the Lord and I would be doing now.
In reflection, God renewed my mind at that very moment and transformed me. Hope replaced the sadness and despair. I anticipated whatever path we would be traveling together. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my husband and miss him. But the intense ache and sadness are gone. Thank you, God, for the 35 years of love.
I now more earnestly and intentionally seek out God’s will for my life, instead of muddling along day to day. Instead of waiting for something to happen, I have God’s companionship to guide me.
Prayer for Peace
Companion God, you have always been by our side. When we are alone, we are more keenly aware how much we need you. You replace despair with hope. You take away our fear of change. You give new meaning to our lives. You call us to commit to building a peaceable kingdom.
Spiritual Practice: Honoring God’s Call in My Life
Reflect on God’s call in your life. Begin by prayerfully asking to recall particular moments when you have experienced God’s presence and invitation to share your gifts. When has God seemed most real in your life? When have you felt disconnected or resistant to God’s call? Reflect on what you did or might do to become reconnected to God. Write in your journal or reflect on how you can develop and share you gifts with others.
Today, God, I will continually seek to be the disciple you call me to be.