Almost Surrender
Katie Harmon-McLaughlin of Walnut Creek, CA, USA
Now John’s disciples and the Pharisees were fasting; and people came and said to him, “Why do John’s disciples and the disciples of the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?” Jesus said to them, “The wedding guests cannot fast while the bridegroom is with them, can they? As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast. The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast on that day. -Mark 2:18-20
For a time I came close
To the great void,
The cave of unknowing
Deep in my soul
Where divine mystery dwells.
I found the entrance,
Gasping in disbelief.
I peered inside the darkness
For as long as I could bear
And then turned away-
Not yet ready to step inside,
Fearing I may never come out
Or get lost in all I could not see.
I felt safe with my insights,
Signs of growth and health
Fully evident in light of day.
The cave came with no maps
And the tools I’d accumulated
I could not bring.
I trembled at the threshold,
For the first time knowing truly
I could enter and everything could change.
I teetered on the brink for a time
Until other voices called my attention away.
“I’ll come back when I’m ready,”
I would say.
Now I am remembering that
Almost-moment of surrender
And I cannot figure out how
To get back to the cave.
I cannot replicate what led me there.
It was found by grace.
But the longing has returned,
To step inside and move closer
To the divine indwelling beckoning.
“Let me try again,” I whisper
Into the dense overgrowth
Of my untended soul.
This is the season for saying,
“Lead me again to the entrance
Of this cave…”
Prayer Phrase
I surrender into your love.
Spiritual Practice
Centering Prayer
Set a timer for 20 minutes. (If that feels like too much at first, choose a time that will be comfortable for you as a starting place, committing to expand that time in future prayer.) Allow the rhythm of your breath to draw you deeper and deeper into silence. As you breathe, claim one sacred word (Christ, peace, grace, trust, etc.) emerging in you as an anchor to return you to the intention of your prayer when your thoughts begin to wander. Gently release the thoughts and images that come, making space for presence to the One who is with you here and now. Release, return, “be vulnerable to divine grace” (Doctrine and Covenants 163:10b).
Today’s Prayer for Peace
Engage in a daily practice of praying for peace in our world. Click here to read today’s prayer and be part of this practice of peace.
